Project Decomposition started off at 1:15 Am on 30th feb.
I had nothing to do so today i officially started my long time fascination with decomposing songs. A note though. If you never heard these songs before do listen to them understand the lyrics and then read the following if you really wanna feel the punch line! And for all who do know there's more to come people this is just a warm up! Make no mistake i love some of these songs. Just having fun. Enjoy!
BRYAN ADAMS
Song : Here I am
Here I am - this is me
There's no where else on earth I'd rather pee
Here I am - it's just me and you
And tonight we make an ugly baby or two
It's a new world - it's a new start
It's New Mexico and it’s a 3rd world nation yaar
It's a new day - it's a new plan
I've been waiting for an hour
Here I am
Here we are - we've just begun
And after all this time – I cant get her trouser button undone
Ya here we are - still goin' strong
Right here in her dads apartment underground
[Chorus]
Here I am - next to you
And your dad is lying between me and you
Here I am - where I'm gonna stay
Now I gotta pay rent and wash his underwear
Here I am - this is me
LINKIN PARK
Song : In The End
(It starts with)
One thing I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how much you eat French fries
Keep that in mind I designed this rhymeTo explain in due time
All I know
Toilet paper is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as some fat guy cleans his thing
Watch him wipe it till the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look down the shit hole
Watching him fling the crap from his hole
Trying to hold on but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch a punk clean his bum
I kept everything inside and even though I tried it all exploded out
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried TO FART
And it got so sharp
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fart
To start it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
One thing I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how much you love fries
Keep that in mind I designed this diet
To remind myself how
Hippos are so godamn fat
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your fat auntie
Remembering all the times you ate with me
I’m surprised you got so fat
Things aren’t the way they were before
My ass cant fit on this toilet seat anymore
Not that it did when I was 400 pounds
But it all comes back to me
In the end
You kept everything inside and even though I tried it all exploded out
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I had TO FART
And it sounded so harsh
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to pass gas
To free my ass
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I've put my shit in you
Pushed as hard as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And you haven’t flushed the crap so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
Monday, January 29, 2007
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Its amazing what your mind can think about when you're lonely sitting in your bedroom and staring at the ceiling. You wouldn't believe half the stuff that crept into my mind. I was supposed to be asleep with the sinus block and a damn pricking headache. I slept like the whole day and couldn't sleep any more. I was so dazed out and for a moment didnt know where i was. Just laying on the bed all kinds of thoughts flew while my mind was like an open door. Forget it. I had no door at all. No control on my thoughts whatsoever. I wanted it to stop but couldn't. I didnt know what time it was. Whether it was still 6 in the morning or 12 in the noon. didn't care. Any moment i was expecting my mom to barge inside my room shouting how crappy my bedroom gets every week. It's as clean as an empty room on every monday and by saturday its as messy as afganisthan. To my suprise i didnt hear anybody and frankly after a lot of time i liked all the silence. So i just lay there letting my brain go crazy. You wouldn't believe the random thoughts i had. I just wanted to sleep more. I dont know if it was a dream that i had, or whether an idea but i was hoping when i would wake up i'did be on the shore of a beautiful beach with sparkling sand,not a rainy cloud in the sky and soft pebbles and crystal blue water with not a soul in sight and the sea as far as the eye could see. Just me, only me and no one else.I could lay there looking at the sun dip and rise out of the sea for ever. 
Nothing mattered at that point. I was a guy with not a care in the world. Imaganing that i was relaxed and happy for a moment. This little hallucinated dream i had made me think when i was momentarily happy the last time? It was when my mom and dad were shopping at food world. It was chilly as hell around 12c and it was windy. I finished dumping all the groceries in the trunk of my car except one. we were driving back to the house when dad kept the heater on, i held in my hand a snickers bar. I took a big bite out of it and heard my self say " life's sweet". That was 2 years ago. I was suprised that i could still remember that.
Every one of my friends whom i either text message on the mobile or i chat with on the internet had only one word to say " Bored". I'm so sick of that word hearing it come out of my mouth and everybody else's every min of every hour of every day. Its lame but i'm slowly getting used to being bored. Life's just not interesting anymore. You can argue and speculate all you want. If your thinking of giving me a lecture on how its not and how to appreciate life.Please do keep that kind of shit to yourself. You're not fooling anybody. I began to wonder when was the last time i felt alive? No! i'm not depressed, i'm not sad, i'm not miserable, i'm not on a road to self destruction or psychopathic pattern. I'm Just Wondering. May be it's time you wondered too? When was the last time you felt alive?C'mon people it wouldn't hurt you to answer my question. I did really like to know.
Nothing mattered at that point. I was a guy with not a care in the world. Imaganing that i was relaxed and happy for a moment. This little hallucinated dream i had made me think when i was momentarily happy the last time? It was when my mom and dad were shopping at food world. It was chilly as hell around 12c and it was windy. I finished dumping all the groceries in the trunk of my car except one. we were driving back to the house when dad kept the heater on, i held in my hand a snickers bar. I took a big bite out of it and heard my self say " life's sweet". That was 2 years ago. I was suprised that i could still remember that.Every one of my friends whom i either text message on the mobile or i chat with on the internet had only one word to say " Bored". I'm so sick of that word hearing it come out of my mouth and everybody else's every min of every hour of every day. Its lame but i'm slowly getting used to being bored. Life's just not interesting anymore. You can argue and speculate all you want. If your thinking of giving me a lecture on how its not and how to appreciate life.Please do keep that kind of shit to yourself. You're not fooling anybody. I began to wonder when was the last time i felt alive? No! i'm not depressed, i'm not sad, i'm not miserable, i'm not on a road to self destruction or psychopathic pattern. I'm Just Wondering. May be it's time you wondered too? When was the last time you felt alive?C'mon people it wouldn't hurt you to answer my question. I did really like to know.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU FELT ALIVE?
Sunday, January 14, 2007
zoo = diseased animals and people. Just like my life!
My first post this year. I should have known better when the new year starts there’ll be hell to pay with the results out and everything. It keeps getting better and better, like an alloy of new shit and old shit. Before I say anything, let me start of with this saying
“ when everything’s going your way, you’re in the wrong lane”!
Me and pangavani got so depressed, dejected, miserable and quite simply bored that we arranged to meet somewhere and just climb a bus and see where it goes. So being a festival today I didn’t care just woke up at 10 and got out of the house by 1230. This is the actual phone conversation as far as I can remember it, this is how it went
Karthik : Hey man. Aim totally bored and depressed. Just have to get out of the house.
Me : Yeah. I feel like shit. Cant stay in this hole anymore. Hey dude listen up I have a GREAT plan.
Karthik : what?
Me : How about we meet around 12:30 and
Karthik : And…………..( with unsurpassable excitement as if I just told him that I found the holy grail’s whereabouts)
Me : We’ll go to the Zoo! ( with extreme content)
Karthik : ???………( super sense of shock setting in) !@#$%^&*()_+{}:”>? ( a couple of minutes of swearing and he finally agrees)
I swear to you, today I climbed almost 16 to 17 buses. We first went to koti and then took a bus to ( I really don’t know where that bus goes but the zoo’s in the middle) and stop at the zoo. Now, at this point I choose the zoo park as I wanted to get away from all the city’s people and all the bull shit and was kind of hoping there wouldn’t be much people. Basically I wanted to run away from everything for a lil while and he felt the same too.
To my utter dismay there lay thousands of people. Endless lines and hurdes of small, stinky, smelly, shouting kids, high on sugar and sweets, dancing and prancing all around the fucking place as if the world is their play ground! All of them wearing fake plastic 5 bucks ke shades and their parents wearing one of those “99 bucks imported sun glasses” stores you see on every main road these days. I thought to myself “ Like parents like kids”. Then it hit me “ it’s a Sunday”. Karthik looked at me like he wanted to kill me. His exact words were “ what the fuck is with these kids, don’t they have school? I hate you man!!!”
We get inside the zoo. The aquarium was closed and sealed maybe cause all the fish are dead due to swimming all the time or may be cause the the zoo guys used tank bund's water for the aquarium. Then we saw the tortoises. I loved them. Lazy, fat, huge, over 150 years old. Then we got to the monkeys. They were all forced in a crappy tiny island about 40 feet in radius. Then I actually saw the red butt baboons mating! The funniest thing I have seen this year. Had two pepsi’s and 5 oil samosas for lunch and pointing to the small train that tours the entire zoo and started laughing and abusing all aboard the train. At one point we were so lost that we had to call a friend in chennai to find out where the food courts were!
I just wanted to get away today. Don’t know why but felt so lost and so alone. It feels like we are going no where in life.I’ll admit that I was very depressed. I knew that if i didnt go anywhere, it would have adverse and profound implications on my life today.
We just talked most of the time and joked for a little while. Then we started receiving threatening calls from our dads and we had to leave.
The things I have witnessed :
1) A parent helping her 3 year old kid shit right near the “ parrots cage”
2) People throwing bread crums and rocks to agitate the white tiger.
3) People trying to feed the monkeys even though there was explicitly a sign stating “ DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS”. Bunch of fucking redneck retards is all I can say.
4) Baboons humping and acting horny.
5) Rhinos and hippo’s conspiring and calculating the enough velocity and acceleration required to jump off the railing and go on a murder rampage.
6) Tons and tons of children screaming and crying and asking for their mommies to carry them.
7) A bunch of school idiots who came all the way from dilshuknagar to the zoo just to play cricket and they bought only one ball that fell into the alligators enclosure.
8) More and more kids creaming their ass off! I HATE KIDS!
9) A bunch of really sick lions with the words “ please kill me and stop the suffering” literally written on their foreheads. Poor things looked very diseased.
10) Wherever there were food courts there were toilets attached right next to them. Its like “ Eat here, shit there!”
“ when everything’s going your way, you’re in the wrong lane”!
Me and pangavani got so depressed, dejected, miserable and quite simply bored that we arranged to meet somewhere and just climb a bus and see where it goes. So being a festival today I didn’t care just woke up at 10 and got out of the house by 1230. This is the actual phone conversation as far as I can remember it, this is how it went
Karthik : Hey man. Aim totally bored and depressed. Just have to get out of the house.
Me : Yeah. I feel like shit. Cant stay in this hole anymore. Hey dude listen up I have a GREAT plan.
Karthik : what?
Me : How about we meet around 12:30 and
Karthik : And…………..( with unsurpassable excitement as if I just told him that I found the holy grail’s whereabouts)
Me : We’ll go to the Zoo! ( with extreme content)
Karthik : ???………( super sense of shock setting in) !@#$%^&*()_+{}:”>? ( a couple of minutes of swearing and he finally agrees)
I swear to you, today I climbed almost 16 to 17 buses. We first went to koti and then took a bus to ( I really don’t know where that bus goes but the zoo’s in the middle) and stop at the zoo. Now, at this point I choose the zoo park as I wanted to get away from all the city’s people and all the bull shit and was kind of hoping there wouldn’t be much people. Basically I wanted to run away from everything for a lil while and he felt the same too.
To my utter dismay there lay thousands of people. Endless lines and hurdes of small, stinky, smelly, shouting kids, high on sugar and sweets, dancing and prancing all around the fucking place as if the world is their play ground! All of them wearing fake plastic 5 bucks ke shades and their parents wearing one of those “99 bucks imported sun glasses” stores you see on every main road these days. I thought to myself “ Like parents like kids”. Then it hit me “ it’s a Sunday”. Karthik looked at me like he wanted to kill me. His exact words were “ what the fuck is with these kids, don’t they have school? I hate you man!!!”
We get inside the zoo. The aquarium was closed and sealed maybe cause all the fish are dead due to swimming all the time or may be cause the the zoo guys used tank bund's water for the aquarium. Then we saw the tortoises. I loved them. Lazy, fat, huge, over 150 years old. Then we got to the monkeys. They were all forced in a crappy tiny island about 40 feet in radius. Then I actually saw the red butt baboons mating! The funniest thing I have seen this year. Had two pepsi’s and 5 oil samosas for lunch and pointing to the small train that tours the entire zoo and started laughing and abusing all aboard the train. At one point we were so lost that we had to call a friend in chennai to find out where the food courts were!
I just wanted to get away today. Don’t know why but felt so lost and so alone. It feels like we are going no where in life.I’ll admit that I was very depressed. I knew that if i didnt go anywhere, it would have adverse and profound implications on my life today.
We just talked most of the time and joked for a little while. Then we started receiving threatening calls from our dads and we had to leave.
The things I have witnessed :
1) A parent helping her 3 year old kid shit right near the “ parrots cage”
2) People throwing bread crums and rocks to agitate the white tiger.
3) People trying to feed the monkeys even though there was explicitly a sign stating “ DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS”. Bunch of fucking redneck retards is all I can say.
4) Baboons humping and acting horny.
5) Rhinos and hippo’s conspiring and calculating the enough velocity and acceleration required to jump off the railing and go on a murder rampage.
6) Tons and tons of children screaming and crying and asking for their mommies to carry them.
7) A bunch of school idiots who came all the way from dilshuknagar to the zoo just to play cricket and they bought only one ball that fell into the alligators enclosure.
8) More and more kids creaming their ass off! I HATE KIDS!
9) A bunch of really sick lions with the words “ please kill me and stop the suffering” literally written on their foreheads. Poor things looked very diseased.
10) Wherever there were food courts there were toilets attached right next to them. Its like “ Eat here, shit there!”
The ant and the grasshopper!
I got this in a fwd mail. Its so damn true and i hade to paste it here. Enjoy!
OLD VERSION...*
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summerlong building his houseand laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopperthinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Comewinter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food orshelter so he dies out inthe cold.
*MODERN VERSION*
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summerlong, building his houseand laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopperthinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Comewinter, the shiveringgrasshopper calls a press conference and demands toknow why the ant shouldbe allowed to be warm and well fed while others arecold and starving. NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of theshivering grasshopper nextto a video of the ant in his comfortable home with atable filled with food.The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How canthis be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of theant's house. MedhaPatkar goes on a fast along with other grasshoppersdemanding thatgrasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates duringwinter. Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the IndianGovernment for notupholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper.The Internet is floodedwith online petitions seeking support to thegrasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support asagainst the wrath of Godfor non-compliance). Opposition MP's stage awalkout.Left parties call for"Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding aJudicial Enquiry.CPM inKerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants fromworking hard in theheat so as to bring about equality of poverty amongants and grasshoppers.Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshopperson all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Preventionof Terrorism AgainstGrasshoppers Act [POTAGA]", with effect from thebeginning of the winter. Arjun Singh makes Special Reservation for GrassHopper in educationalInsititutions & in Govt Services.The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGAand, having nothing leftto pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscatedby the Government and handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony coveredby NDTV.Arundhati Roy calls it "a triumph of justice". Lalucalls it 'SocialisticJustice'. CPM calls it the 'revolutionary resurgenceof the downtrodden' Koffi Annan invites the grasshopper to address the UNGeneral Assembly. *Many years later...The ant has since migrated to theUS and set up a multibillion dollar company in silicon valley.100s ofgrasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India**... **As a result loosing lot of hard working ants andfeeding the grasshoppersIndia is still a developing country......*
OLD VERSION...*
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summerlong building his houseand laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopperthinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Comewinter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food orshelter so he dies out inthe cold.
*MODERN VERSION*
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summerlong, building his houseand laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopperthinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Comewinter, the shiveringgrasshopper calls a press conference and demands toknow why the ant shouldbe allowed to be warm and well fed while others arecold and starving. NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of theshivering grasshopper nextto a video of the ant in his comfortable home with atable filled with food.The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How canthis be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of theant's house. MedhaPatkar goes on a fast along with other grasshoppersdemanding thatgrasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates duringwinter. Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the IndianGovernment for notupholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper.The Internet is floodedwith online petitions seeking support to thegrasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support asagainst the wrath of Godfor non-compliance). Opposition MP's stage awalkout.Left parties call for"Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding aJudicial Enquiry.CPM inKerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants fromworking hard in theheat so as to bring about equality of poverty amongants and grasshoppers.Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshopperson all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Preventionof Terrorism AgainstGrasshoppers Act [POTAGA]", with effect from thebeginning of the winter. Arjun Singh makes Special Reservation for GrassHopper in educationalInsititutions & in Govt Services.The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGAand, having nothing leftto pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscatedby the Government and handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony coveredby NDTV.Arundhati Roy calls it "a triumph of justice". Lalucalls it 'SocialisticJustice'. CPM calls it the 'revolutionary resurgenceof the downtrodden' Koffi Annan invites the grasshopper to address the UNGeneral Assembly. *Many years later...The ant has since migrated to theUS and set up a multibillion dollar company in silicon valley.100s ofgrasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India**... **As a result loosing lot of hard working ants andfeeding the grasshoppersIndia is still a developing country......*
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Wish you a happy happy............nah fuck it!
Here's to another crappy new year!
Thank you romans for inventing the calender. Loads of crap 2 face in this year.
Cheers!
Thank you romans for inventing the calender. Loads of crap 2 face in this year.
Cheers!
angels, 6 feet under
Today in Noida a place between UP and Delhi, A most shocking and outright sick incident took place. The local people and cops dug up skeletal and decomposed remains of 38 children. These children were kidnapped in Delhi and surrounding areas one year ago and were all bought to a house and sexually abused, killed, and were cut into pieces and then were buried in the backyard of that house. This is truly one of the most violent and ferocious acts of serial killings this country has ever witnessed. Aim fighting back my tears as I watch this news flash since afternoon. They were little boys and girls aged from 3 years to 11 years. Some sick and perverted man called Satish and mohinder, who owned the house, apparently lured children and kidnapped them. This was going on for over a year in that house. The bastard confessed to the crime and was arrested yesterday itself.
We all remember the story of ananth, for those who don’t, he’s the Son of the president of Adobe CEO, who was kidnapped 2 months ago or something. He was released in 2 days due to the pressure put by police and higher officials to save him. The police did their job efficiently and the culprit was found and arrested and they returned anath safely to his home and his worried parents. In two days, they found him. Surprised how the police got him so easily? I’ll tell how they did it. Our police has the potential to do so. And in this case they did because the kid belonged to a rich president of a s/w company. What about those missing 38 children or more. All of the same age as ananth or your kid sister or brother or your nephew? The parents complained to the police as soon as they went missing. No action was taken. No FIR (First Information Report) registered. Basically they didn’t give a shit what happened to all the kids. That bastard isn’t responsible for their murders entirely, it’s the authorities fault too. They didn’t care as most of the children’s parents were laborers, or below the poverty line. They don’t have any influence to get things done. Police were their only hope. I say whatever punishment the culprit gets (and I hope ever so much he gets the noose) the police and higher officials who were involved in their recklessness and inefficiency SHOULD SHARE THE PUNISHMENT.
Money is the DEAD RIGHT ANSWER. It’s simple. If you’re rich and powerful things will happen for you. In this country that’s how it works. People will wash your feet with rose water, they’ll be more than happy to wipe your ass with their face, and ANYTHING absolutely anything can be done if you have money. Hell if they could, the damn politicians would have sold this country to the highest bidder long ago. The Government is solely responsible for this act! I hate my government. Each term it’s the same thing. We elect a new party, a new government every term just to see whether they can make us a bigger fool than the previous government! THE SYSTEM SUCKS! Please STOP eating money and just think for once what you are doing? STOP FUCKING UP MY COUNTRY!
What scares me the most is that was just ONE house, in ONE colony in ONE city in ONE state. We have absolutely no idea about the hundreds of children burred deep in some backyard of a psychopath’s sick mansion of horror! Who knows? It could be your very own neighbor. Who’s to say? Just thinking about that makes me sick. Imagine what the parents could be going through.
If I were the judge in this case, I order him to be repeatedly raped by a deranged horny elephant 28 times and then cut him into pieces and bury him in his own backyard!
What did the children do to deserve such a ghastly death? They didn’t get to experience life. They were scapegoats just to satisfy one sick and twisted person. How inhuman can a human get? Sure, this news will get old in a week or a month. It'll be replaced by some model who had a wardrobe malfunction in a prestigious fashion show.Everybody forgets. Thats life.
Congratulations god, your children first learned to kill each other for money or power, now they have reached new heights by killing themselves just for the heck of it!
We all remember the story of ananth, for those who don’t, he’s the Son of the president of Adobe CEO, who was kidnapped 2 months ago or something. He was released in 2 days due to the pressure put by police and higher officials to save him. The police did their job efficiently and the culprit was found and arrested and they returned anath safely to his home and his worried parents. In two days, they found him. Surprised how the police got him so easily? I’ll tell how they did it. Our police has the potential to do so. And in this case they did because the kid belonged to a rich president of a s/w company. What about those missing 38 children or more. All of the same age as ananth or your kid sister or brother or your nephew? The parents complained to the police as soon as they went missing. No action was taken. No FIR (First Information Report) registered. Basically they didn’t give a shit what happened to all the kids. That bastard isn’t responsible for their murders entirely, it’s the authorities fault too. They didn’t care as most of the children’s parents were laborers, or below the poverty line. They don’t have any influence to get things done. Police were their only hope. I say whatever punishment the culprit gets (and I hope ever so much he gets the noose) the police and higher officials who were involved in their recklessness and inefficiency SHOULD SHARE THE PUNISHMENT.
Money is the DEAD RIGHT ANSWER. It’s simple. If you’re rich and powerful things will happen for you. In this country that’s how it works. People will wash your feet with rose water, they’ll be more than happy to wipe your ass with their face, and ANYTHING absolutely anything can be done if you have money. Hell if they could, the damn politicians would have sold this country to the highest bidder long ago. The Government is solely responsible for this act! I hate my government. Each term it’s the same thing. We elect a new party, a new government every term just to see whether they can make us a bigger fool than the previous government! THE SYSTEM SUCKS! Please STOP eating money and just think for once what you are doing? STOP FUCKING UP MY COUNTRY!
What scares me the most is that was just ONE house, in ONE colony in ONE city in ONE state. We have absolutely no idea about the hundreds of children burred deep in some backyard of a psychopath’s sick mansion of horror! Who knows? It could be your very own neighbor. Who’s to say? Just thinking about that makes me sick. Imagine what the parents could be going through.
If I were the judge in this case, I order him to be repeatedly raped by a deranged horny elephant 28 times and then cut him into pieces and bury him in his own backyard!
What did the children do to deserve such a ghastly death? They didn’t get to experience life. They were scapegoats just to satisfy one sick and twisted person. How inhuman can a human get? Sure, this news will get old in a week or a month. It'll be replaced by some model who had a wardrobe malfunction in a prestigious fashion show.Everybody forgets. Thats life.
Congratulations god, your children first learned to kill each other for money or power, now they have reached new heights by killing themselves just for the heck of it!
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
FACTS OF LIFE & THINGS I WONDER ABOUT!
Caution: These facts have been obtained by constant observation of my life and others. You would agree with me as most of them are true. Some of these facts have also been borrowed/ copied or I just made them up. Either way they made me laugh, and I don’t care a damn if you read it somewhere else on a website. No one likes a smart ass!
1) No one dies a virgin. Life fucks everyone.
2) Most of the lecturers in Engg don’t know what they are teaching half the time. And the other half of the time, none of us are listening.
3) Don't work. Working is for suckers. Be a CEO if you can, they never do anything.
4) All children when they are 8 years old want to be astronauts and some weirdo’s want to be dentists.
5) 30% of all couples in Europe engage in wife swapping with their neighbors. No, not the fat couples the good looking ones.
6) Statistics show that 90%of all statistics are made up, including this one.
7) Hell is already on earth. It’s called Afghanistan. Satan is already on earth. He’s known as George Bush.
8) 50% of the Americans agree bush is a re- incarnation of Hitler.
9) We live in a country where sex is viewed as a taboo. Yet, right as I type this very sentence 10000 people are doing it right now. In case of china 20000 people are doing it!
10) TIBET will never be freed.
11) The Clown in Mc Donald’s “Ronald Mc Donald” is really sick with a dysfunctional liver syndrome due to excessive drinking and alcohol poising because of all the demonic children he served during the years. He’s expected to die in a week.
12) At 5 months old, any baby can float or rather swim in the water. They kick instinctively. At 56 years all politicians in India are richer than Michael Jackson.
13) Michael Jackson has 18 different noses in his wardrobe. One for winter, one for spring, and one for the Grammy awards so on……
14) At present India has 3 biggest problems.
(a) Population (b) Corruption (c) Laloo Prasad Yadaav
15) Smoking is injurious to your health. Farting is injurious to our health.
16) All the people in the world at some point in their lives search for the meaning of life. There is no meaning to life. That’s just a dumb question.
17) According to all the religious scriptures, since the dawn of man god has walked the earth at least 6, 87,527 times. You and I could be one of them.
18) The guy who played Barney the purple dinosaur was shot in the spine with a sawed off double barrel shotgun by a couple of punks who hated him.
19) According to my sources India and Pakistan have combined their forces and formed a special committee. Its only main and single purpose is to seek Ekta kapoor and kill her. ( for all of you who don’t know her, just see all the soaps your mom’s been watching from 6 to 10 in the night on star plus)
20) A scientific study showed that the human race will very well wipe itself out of existence in about 200 hundred years. I’ll give us 50 years tops now that they are making a sequel of kal ho na ho.
21) Newton amazingly came back to life for a couple of minutes yesterday and gave a press interview stating that all of his laws are totally crappy, unworthy, baseless and they don’t really work after watching rajnikanth and balakrishna do their stuff!
22) All students hate wars. Every time there’s a war there’s a new chapter in the history textbook. THANKS A *#$%^~ LOT BUSH!
23) North Korea hates South Korea, South Korea hates North Korea.
24) Most of the math professors in India are south Indians. All of them are Srinivasans.
25) The only way to become rich in a European country is to be either an actor, hubby/wife of a wealthy tycoon or sue some multi national corporation. In India the easiest way to richness is to be a politician, traffic cop, 2 grade mafia rowdy sheeter, or a fake swami claiming to have all the answers to life’s questions.
26) I Love My Country. I Hate my Government.
27) After the Constant Evolution of Species and Mammals, nature has finally produced us. The most intellectually intelligent, self thinking capable species of this planet. We are the best of the best nature has to offer. Yet we pee right beside the public toilets and listen to backstreet boys and we absolutely need to have 18 songs in every one of our movies.
28) The phrase “that’s hot” is officially trademarked by Paris Hilton. I didn’t know we could do that. Hence aim officially trade marking “That’s Bullshit”. Yup, it’s my sentence you can’t use it.
29) Most of the Indians as far I as I know believed that the right hand is for eating while the left hand is for washing your ass. There’s racial discrimination for you right there.
30) All watchmen in India are Nepalese. It’s like we have a whole country to supply us with watchmen. Thank you Nepal.
31) Integration and differentiation are the two most stupidest things in math. I never got them till now and aim in my 2nd year 2nd sem graduation. I am Simply amazed by how far I came without knowing them.
32) Out of the 3lakh students who write intermediate every year almost 2 lakh twenty thousand score above 93% in their intermediate percentage by by-hearting everything. You & I both know most of them will become either waiters or kidnappers. Why study?
33) All call centre employees hate their lives from all the abuse they have to deal with everyday and can only shut up and listen. I call airtel customer care once every week to take out all my hectic weeks frustration and anger on them.
34) Australia is actually was a place where the UK dumped all its convicts way back in 1890. So every Australian’s father or mother or grandparents were either murderers or supari killers.
35) Mel Gibson hates Jews. According to him dinosaurs were wiped out 65 million years ago by Jews and not by a meteorite.
36) The most intelligent people on this planet are Indians and Japanese. The most boring people on this planet are citizens of Istanbul and Ukraine’s.
37) People will believe anything if you say Benjamin Franklin though of it first. Atleast Americans do.
38) Osama Bin Laden has 28 wives. You could be the 29th.
39) Don’t drink water, fish fucks in it.
40) Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
41) According to string theory there’s one in a billion chance of traveling in another parallel universe by simply bumping yourself into a wall. You might just walk through it at once.
42) You know you’re a south Indian when u shout loudly on the phone when you get long distance calls. The farther the country the louder you scream.
43) Tamilians are everywhere. All around us.
44) If a tigers and lions belong to the same species of cats and they can mate creating hybrids then why cant humans and chimps that also come under “primates”, mate to create hybrids. Imagine what a hairy software geeks we could be. Wanna give it a try?
45) The term “life’s a Bitch” has been officially changed to “life’s a whore” since 2002.
46) Most people don’t know the following things.
(a) Tomato’s a fruit not a vegetable.
(b) If you’re living in medhipatnam your life’s a living hell
(c) You’re actually adopted, and you’re a Jamaican and your real name was chupacabra ranakundra.
47) The word “fuck” was first used by Marie curie when she discovered radium and later found out that she was exposed to radiation all this time since she discovered the damn thing. It was said something like this “OH FUCK! And all this time I used it as a chewing gum”
48) If you are born in Ireland and you were 14 years old, by now,18% of your body weight is pure alcohol.
49) In ancient china it’s was a custom to eat other people’s guts and vomits. No wonder Genghis Khan was a barbarian.
50) All blondes by birth are stupid. It’s not their fault. All Russians by birth are ugly. It’s not their fault. All Jamaicans are color blind. It’s their parents fault. All Japanese people have skin ailments and cancers. It’s the Americans fault for nuking them in Hiroshima. All French people are gay. It’s not their fault it’s their language. Most Americans are fat and lazy. It’s our fault, we do most of their work.1) No one dies a virgin. Life fucks everyone.
2) Most of the lecturers in Engg don’t know what they are teaching half the time. And the other half of the time, none of us are listening.
3) Don't work. Working is for suckers. Be a CEO if you can, they never do anything.
4) All children when they are 8 years old want to be astronauts and some weirdo’s want to be dentists.
5) 30% of all couples in Europe engage in wife swapping with their neighbors. No, not the fat couples the good looking ones.
6) Statistics show that 90%of all statistics are made up, including this one.
7) Hell is already on earth. It’s called Afghanistan. Satan is already on earth. He’s known as George Bush.
8) 50% of the Americans agree bush is a re- incarnation of Hitler.
9) We live in a country where sex is viewed as a taboo. Yet, right as I type this very sentence 10000 people are doing it right now. In case of china 20000 people are doing it!
10) TIBET will never be freed.
11) The Clown in Mc Donald’s “Ronald Mc Donald” is really sick with a dysfunctional liver syndrome due to excessive drinking and alcohol poising because of all the demonic children he served during the years. He’s expected to die in a week.
12) At 5 months old, any baby can float or rather swim in the water. They kick instinctively. At 56 years all politicians in India are richer than Michael Jackson.
13) Michael Jackson has 18 different noses in his wardrobe. One for winter, one for spring, and one for the Grammy awards so on……
14) At present India has 3 biggest problems.
(a) Population (b) Corruption (c) Laloo Prasad Yadaav
15) Smoking is injurious to your health. Farting is injurious to our health.
16) All the people in the world at some point in their lives search for the meaning of life. There is no meaning to life. That’s just a dumb question.
17) According to all the religious scriptures, since the dawn of man god has walked the earth at least 6, 87,527 times. You and I could be one of them.
18) The guy who played Barney the purple dinosaur was shot in the spine with a sawed off double barrel shotgun by a couple of punks who hated him.
19) According to my sources India and Pakistan have combined their forces and formed a special committee. Its only main and single purpose is to seek Ekta kapoor and kill her. ( for all of you who don’t know her, just see all the soaps your mom’s been watching from 6 to 10 in the night on star plus)
20) A scientific study showed that the human race will very well wipe itself out of existence in about 200 hundred years. I’ll give us 50 years tops now that they are making a sequel of kal ho na ho.
21) Newton amazingly came back to life for a couple of minutes yesterday and gave a press interview stating that all of his laws are totally crappy, unworthy, baseless and they don’t really work after watching rajnikanth and balakrishna do their stuff!
22) All students hate wars. Every time there’s a war there’s a new chapter in the history textbook. THANKS A *#$%^~ LOT BUSH!
23) North Korea hates South Korea, South Korea hates North Korea.
24) Most of the math professors in India are south Indians. All of them are Srinivasans.
25) The only way to become rich in a European country is to be either an actor, hubby/wife of a wealthy tycoon or sue some multi national corporation. In India the easiest way to richness is to be a politician, traffic cop, 2 grade mafia rowdy sheeter, or a fake swami claiming to have all the answers to life’s questions.
26) I Love My Country. I Hate my Government.
27) After the Constant Evolution of Species and Mammals, nature has finally produced us. The most intellectually intelligent, self thinking capable species of this planet. We are the best of the best nature has to offer. Yet we pee right beside the public toilets and listen to backstreet boys and we absolutely need to have 18 songs in every one of our movies.
28) The phrase “that’s hot” is officially trademarked by Paris Hilton. I didn’t know we could do that. Hence aim officially trade marking “That’s Bullshit”. Yup, it’s my sentence you can’t use it.
29) Most of the Indians as far I as I know believed that the right hand is for eating while the left hand is for washing your ass. There’s racial discrimination for you right there.
30) All watchmen in India are Nepalese. It’s like we have a whole country to supply us with watchmen. Thank you Nepal.
31) Integration and differentiation are the two most stupidest things in math. I never got them till now and aim in my 2nd year 2nd sem graduation. I am Simply amazed by how far I came without knowing them.
32) Out of the 3lakh students who write intermediate every year almost 2 lakh twenty thousand score above 93% in their intermediate percentage by by-hearting everything. You & I both know most of them will become either waiters or kidnappers. Why study?
33) All call centre employees hate their lives from all the abuse they have to deal with everyday and can only shut up and listen. I call airtel customer care once every week to take out all my hectic weeks frustration and anger on them.
34) Australia is actually was a place where the UK dumped all its convicts way back in 1890. So every Australian’s father or mother or grandparents were either murderers or supari killers.
35) Mel Gibson hates Jews. According to him dinosaurs were wiped out 65 million years ago by Jews and not by a meteorite.
36) The most intelligent people on this planet are Indians and Japanese. The most boring people on this planet are citizens of Istanbul and Ukraine’s.
37) People will believe anything if you say Benjamin Franklin though of it first. Atleast Americans do.
38) Osama Bin Laden has 28 wives. You could be the 29th.
39) Don’t drink water, fish fucks in it.
40) Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
41) According to string theory there’s one in a billion chance of traveling in another parallel universe by simply bumping yourself into a wall. You might just walk through it at once.
42) You know you’re a south Indian when u shout loudly on the phone when you get long distance calls. The farther the country the louder you scream.
43) Tamilians are everywhere. All around us.
44) If a tigers and lions belong to the same species of cats and they can mate creating hybrids then why cant humans and chimps that also come under “primates”, mate to create hybrids. Imagine what a hairy software geeks we could be. Wanna give it a try?
45) The term “life’s a Bitch” has been officially changed to “life’s a whore” since 2002.
46) Most people don’t know the following things.
(a) Tomato’s a fruit not a vegetable.
(b) If you’re living in medhipatnam your life’s a living hell
(c) You’re actually adopted, and you’re a Jamaican and your real name was chupacabra ranakundra.
47) The word “fuck” was first used by Marie curie when she discovered radium and later found out that she was exposed to radiation all this time since she discovered the damn thing. It was said something like this “OH FUCK! And all this time I used it as a chewing gum”
48) If you are born in Ireland and you were 14 years old, by now,18% of your body weight is pure alcohol.
49) In ancient china it’s was a custom to eat other people’s guts and vomits. No wonder Genghis Khan was a barbarian.
more to come inanother post.....
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