CHAIN LETTERS! not a big fan

Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not sending out 50 billion fucking forwards sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them, that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with lung cancer brought on by second-hand smoke from the cigarettes smoked by the big bad men who kidnapped her and took pornographic pictures of her for use on their child pornography web site will get 6 fucking cents every time you send me the letter. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give $1000 to you and everyone you send "his" message?How fucking stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Victoria's Secret model in the catalog! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big fuck YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck them. If you're going to forward something, at least send something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some 'omniscient being'" forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.P.S. Please forward this to at least 50 of your best friends!

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1
(scroll down)











Make a wish!!!














Really, go on and make one!!!












Oh please, she'll never go out with you!!!















Wish something else!!!











Not that, you pervert!!












Is your finger getting tired yet?











STOP!!!!Wasn't that fun?
Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!-------------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 2

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all bull. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!-------------------------------------------------------


Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:Queer Horror
Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of shit, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!Queer Horror

Story #2 Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!!Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.-------------------------------------------------------

Chain Letter Type 4
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.Friends
A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like poop,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English - no sorry that's the cleaning lady,
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll be eaten by wild mutts!-----------------------------------------------------------

There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity, send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, don't bother, but otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don't, I don't care, but why not show this around? Take two minutes and forward it. Thanks! Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it. If it's a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it's gonna make people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up n a waterfall of turds) just delete it. Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say:



"



CHAIN LETTERS!!"

back 4m crap!

Hola ppl! Its been roughly 3 months since i posted anything here. so here iam. Ill give u a low down on what happened the past 3 months. exams came exams came exams came exams came , exams goin on and on and on and on and on and the heatwave followed like a stick up its rectum! But then something happened. something that i thought was impssible but it happened anyway. Exams were over and so was the heatwave. HOLY VISHNU! it was actually getting pleasent day by day. Like somebody removed two gigantic needles from eyes. Fell a lot better now!

Tried for visa for the United States of Yamerica. Didnt get it. the white bitch that interviewed me probably thought i was a terrorist r someting but her lame excuse was ' I'm sorry sir but we arent sure you have strong ties to return back to you'r country" and handed a potential immmigrant and denial paper!

WOW i just have a few things to say about that:

1) 1stly BITCH plz ACTUALLY look at my credientials for once.

2) Nobody's timing you'r interview nor is the list going to the Guinness book of records. Take more than 30 sec to finish it.

3) If you are gonna reject my visa THEN FOR WHAT THE HELL DID I STAND IN THE FUCKING HOT CHENNAI SUN FOR OVER 2 HOURS?

Thats that. Chennai was horrible. All the precious 2 and half kilos i gained so painfully over the summer wasted in 2 hours of standing inline and sweating it out.

NOTE TO SELF : If ever a job offered in chennai DONOT TAKE IT!

Got back home. Downloading movies faster than i can even watch them. Thats about it bascially. Life's gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!

Coll starts in another 25 days. Our class will be comprimised of our New classmates(assholes) old classmates ( old assholes) and new psychotic lectureres ( even bigger assholes) and the princi (stupid asshole) and of course probably a new class. Cant wait to go( Big fat stupid lie).

Watched spidy 3 yest. So how many ppl kno that spiderman is really peter parker. What are they stupid???? why cant they release it in the news? Well either way toby had a good time jumping from place to place like a donkey kssing hot HOT women upside down. Way 2 go u mutant freak!

Same with superman. He puts on his glasses and wears his lingerie on the inside PRESTo he's clark. He wears it outside and removes his +10 sight glasses presto superman! Just simply amazing!

As usual politicians are stealing their asses off. Then they borrow stuff from world bank to keep the place together. Which they pay off the loan by increasing taxes. Which we pay. And round and round it goes.

Well the movies i did recomennd to watch are Blood Diamond( black dude's acting is awesome), Apolcalypto(thank god mel didnt involve jesus in this one. pretty good), An Inconvenient Truth( doc by AL gore former prez), and two more on my list a pursuit of happiness. still yet 2 catch that one and DIE HARD 4 live far or die hard or somethin. LOTSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOF explosives. FYI dont watch Next movie by nicolas cage. SUcks ass!

And for all you spidy freaks out there here is the real proof that spidy is indeed gay! check out the link http://www.gophergas.com/funstuff/spidergay.htm