Its amazing what your mind can think about when you're lonely sitting in your bedroom and staring at the ceiling. You wouldn't believe half the stuff that crept into my mind. I was supposed to be asleep with the sinus block and a damn pricking headache. I slept like the whole day and couldn't sleep any more. I was so dazed out and for a moment didnt know where i was. Just laying on the bed all kinds of thoughts flew while my mind was like an open door. Forget it. I had no door at all. No control on my thoughts whatsoever. I wanted it to stop but couldn't. I didnt know what time it was. Whether it was still 6 in the morning or 12 in the noon. didn't care. Any moment i was expecting my mom to barge inside my room shouting how crappy my bedroom gets every week. It's as clean as an empty room on every monday and by saturday its as messy as afganisthan. To my suprise i didnt hear anybody and frankly after a lot of time i liked all the silence. So i just lay there letting my brain go crazy. You wouldn't believe the random thoughts i had. I just wanted to sleep more. I dont know if it was a dream that i had, or whether an idea but i was hoping when i would wake up i'did be on the shore of a beautiful beach with sparkling sand,not a rainy cloud in the sky and soft pebbles and crystal blue water with not a soul in sight and the sea as far as the eye could see. Just me, only me and no one else.I could lay there looking at the sun dip and rise out of the sea for ever. Nothing mattered at that point. I was a guy with not a care in the world. Imaganing that i was relaxed and happy for a moment. This little hallucinated dream i had made me think when i was momentarily happy the last time? It was when my mom and dad were shopping at food world. It was chilly as hell around 12c and it was windy. I finished dumping all the groceries in the trunk of my car except one. we were driving back to the house when dad kept the heater on, i held in my hand a snickers bar. I took a big bite out of it and heard my self say " life's sweet". That was 2 years ago. I was suprised that i could still remember that.


Every one of my friends whom i either text message on the mobile or i chat with on the internet had only one word to say " Bored". I'm so sick of that word hearing it come out of my mouth and everybody else's every min of every hour of every day. Its lame but i'm slowly getting used to being bored. Life's just not interesting anymore. You can argue and speculate all you want. If your thinking of giving me a lecture on how its not and how to appreciate life.Please do keep that kind of shit to yourself. You're not fooling anybody. I began to wonder when was the last time i felt alive? No! i'm not depressed, i'm not sad, i'm not miserable, i'm not on a road to self destruction or psychopathic pattern. I'm Just Wondering. May be it's time you wondered too? When was the last time you felt alive?C'mon people it wouldn't hurt you to answer my question. I did really like to know.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU FELT ALIVE?