Caution: These facts have been obtained by constant observation of my life and others. You would agree with me as most of them are true. Some of these facts have also been borrowed/ copied or I just made them up. Either way they made me laugh, and I don’t care a damn if you read it somewhere else on a website. No one likes a smart ass!
1) No one dies a virgin. Life fucks everyone.
2) Most of the lecturers in Engg don’t know what they are teaching half the time. And the other half of the time, none of us are listening.
3) Don't work. Working is for suckers. Be a CEO if you can, they never do anything.
4) All children when they are 8 years old want to be astronauts and some weirdo’s want to be dentists.
5) 30% of all couples in Europe engage in wife swapping with their neighbors. No, not the fat couples the good looking ones.
6) Statistics show that 90%of all statistics are made up, including this one.
7) Hell is already on earth. It’s called Afghanistan. Satan is already on earth. He’s known as George Bush.
8) 50% of the Americans agree bush is a re- incarnation of Hitler.
9) We live in a country where sex is viewed as a taboo. Yet, right as I type this very sentence 10000 people are doing it right now. In case of china 20000 people are doing it!
10) TIBET will never be freed.
11) The Clown in Mc Donald’s “Ronald Mc Donald” is really sick with a dysfunctional liver syndrome due to excessive drinking and alcohol poising because of all the demonic children he served during the years. He’s expected to die in a week.
12) At 5 months old, any baby can float or rather swim in the water. They kick instinctively. At 56 years all politicians in India are richer than Michael Jackson.
13) Michael Jackson has 18 different noses in his wardrobe. One for winter, one for spring, and one for the Grammy awards so on……
14) At present India has 3 biggest problems.
(a) Population (b) Corruption (c) Laloo Prasad Yadaav
15) Smoking is injurious to your health. Farting is injurious to our health.
16) All the people in the world at some point in their lives search for the meaning of life. There is no meaning to life. That’s just a dumb question.
17) According to all the religious scriptures, since the dawn of man god has walked the earth at least 6, 87,527 times. You and I could be one of them.
18) The guy who played Barney the purple dinosaur was shot in the spine with a sawed off double barrel shotgun by a couple of punks who hated him.
19) According to my sources India and Pakistan have combined their forces and formed a special committee. Its only main and single purpose is to seek Ekta kapoor and kill her. ( for all of you who don’t know her, just see all the soaps your mom’s been watching from 6 to 10 in the night on star plus)
20) A scientific study showed that the human race will very well wipe itself out of existence in about 200 hundred years. I’ll give us 50 years tops now that they are making a sequel of kal ho na ho.
21) Newton amazingly came back to life for a couple of minutes yesterday and gave a press interview stating that all of his laws are totally crappy, unworthy, baseless and they don’t really work after watching rajnikanth and balakrishna do their stuff!
22) All students hate wars. Every time there’s a war there’s a new chapter in the history textbook. THANKS A *#$%^~ LOT BUSH!
23) North Korea hates South Korea, South Korea hates North Korea.
24) Most of the math professors in India are south Indians. All of them are Srinivasans.
25) The only way to become rich in a European country is to be either an actor, hubby/wife of a wealthy tycoon or sue some multi national corporation. In India the easiest way to richness is to be a politician, traffic cop, 2 grade mafia rowdy sheeter, or a fake swami claiming to have all the answers to life’s questions.
26) I Love My Country. I Hate my Government.
27) After the Constant Evolution of Species and Mammals, nature has finally produced us. The most intellectually intelligent, self thinking capable species of this planet. We are the best of the best nature has to offer. Yet we pee right beside the public toilets and listen to backstreet boys and we absolutely need to have 18 songs in every one of our movies.
28) The phrase “that’s hot” is officially trademarked by Paris Hilton. I didn’t know we could do that. Hence aim officially trade marking “That’s Bullshit”. Yup, it’s my sentence you can’t use it.
29) Most of the Indians as far I as I know believed that the right hand is for eating while the left hand is for washing your ass. There’s racial discrimination for you right there.
30) All watchmen in India are Nepalese. It’s like we have a whole country to supply us with watchmen. Thank you Nepal.
31) Integration and differentiation are the two most stupidest things in math. I never got them till now and aim in my 2nd year 2nd sem graduation. I am Simply amazed by how far I came without knowing them.
32) Out of the 3lakh students who write intermediate every year almost 2 lakh twenty thousand score above 93% in their intermediate percentage by by-hearting everything. You & I both know most of them will become either waiters or kidnappers. Why study?
33) All call centre employees hate their lives from all the abuse they have to deal with everyday and can only shut up and listen. I call airtel customer care once every week to take out all my hectic weeks frustration and anger on them.
34) Australia is actually was a place where the UK dumped all its convicts way back in 1890. So every Australian’s father or mother or grandparents were either murderers or supari killers.
35) Mel Gibson hates Jews. According to him dinosaurs were wiped out 65 million years ago by Jews and not by a meteorite.
36) The most intelligent people on this planet are Indians and Japanese. The most boring people on this planet are citizens of Istanbul and Ukraine’s.
37) People will believe anything if you say Benjamin Franklin though of it first. Atleast Americans do.
38) Osama Bin Laden has 28 wives. You could be the 29th.
39) Don’t drink water, fish fucks in it.
40) Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
41) According to string theory there’s one in a billion chance of traveling in another parallel universe by simply bumping yourself into a wall. You might just walk through it at once.
42) You know you’re a south Indian when u shout loudly on the phone when you get long distance calls. The farther the country the louder you scream.
43) Tamilians are everywhere. All around us.
44) If a tigers and lions belong to the same species of cats and they can mate creating hybrids then why cant humans and chimps that also come under “primates”, mate to create hybrids. Imagine what a hairy software geeks we could be. Wanna give it a try?
45) The term “life’s a Bitch” has been officially changed to “life’s a whore” since 2002.
46) Most people don’t know the following things.
(a) Tomato’s a fruit not a vegetable.
(b) If you’re living in medhipatnam your life’s a living hell
(c) You’re actually adopted, and you’re a Jamaican and your real name was chupacabra ranakundra.
47) The word “fuck” was first used by Marie curie when she discovered radium and later found out that she was exposed to radiation all this time since she discovered the damn thing. It was said something like this “OH FUCK! And all this time I used it as a chewing gum”
48) If you are born in Ireland and you were 14 years old, by now,18% of your body weight is pure alcohol.
49) In ancient china it’s was a custom to eat other people’s guts and vomits. No wonder Genghis Khan was a barbarian.
50) All blondes by birth are stupid. It’s not their fault. All Russians by birth are ugly. It’s not their fault. All Jamaicans are color blind. It’s their parents fault. All Japanese people have skin ailments and cancers. It’s the Americans fault for nuking them in Hiroshima. All French people are gay. It’s not their fault it’s their language. Most Americans are fat and lazy. It’s our fault, we do most of their work.1) No one dies a virgin. Life fucks everyone.
2) Most of the lecturers in Engg don’t know what they are teaching half the time. And the other half of the time, none of us are listening.
3) Don't work. Working is for suckers. Be a CEO if you can, they never do anything.
4) All children when they are 8 years old want to be astronauts and some weirdo’s want to be dentists.
5) 30% of all couples in Europe engage in wife swapping with their neighbors. No, not the fat couples the good looking ones.
6) Statistics show that 90%of all statistics are made up, including this one.
7) Hell is already on earth. It’s called Afghanistan. Satan is already on earth. He’s known as George Bush.
8) 50% of the Americans agree bush is a re- incarnation of Hitler.
9) We live in a country where sex is viewed as a taboo. Yet, right as I type this very sentence 10000 people are doing it right now. In case of china 20000 people are doing it!
10) TIBET will never be freed.
11) The Clown in Mc Donald’s “Ronald Mc Donald” is really sick with a dysfunctional liver syndrome due to excessive drinking and alcohol poising because of all the demonic children he served during the years. He’s expected to die in a week.
12) At 5 months old, any baby can float or rather swim in the water. They kick instinctively. At 56 years all politicians in India are richer than Michael Jackson.
13) Michael Jackson has 18 different noses in his wardrobe. One for winter, one for spring, and one for the Grammy awards so on……
14) At present India has 3 biggest problems.
(a) Population (b) Corruption (c) Laloo Prasad Yadaav
15) Smoking is injurious to your health. Farting is injurious to our health.
16) All the people in the world at some point in their lives search for the meaning of life. There is no meaning to life. That’s just a dumb question.
17) According to all the religious scriptures, since the dawn of man god has walked the earth at least 6, 87,527 times. You and I could be one of them.
18) The guy who played Barney the purple dinosaur was shot in the spine with a sawed off double barrel shotgun by a couple of punks who hated him.
19) According to my sources India and Pakistan have combined their forces and formed a special committee. Its only main and single purpose is to seek Ekta kapoor and kill her. ( for all of you who don’t know her, just see all the soaps your mom’s been watching from 6 to 10 in the night on star plus)
20) A scientific study showed that the human race will very well wipe itself out of existence in about 200 hundred years. I’ll give us 50 years tops now that they are making a sequel of kal ho na ho.
21) Newton amazingly came back to life for a couple of minutes yesterday and gave a press interview stating that all of his laws are totally crappy, unworthy, baseless and they don’t really work after watching rajnikanth and balakrishna do their stuff!
22) All students hate wars. Every time there’s a war there’s a new chapter in the history textbook. THANKS A *#$%^~ LOT BUSH!
23) North Korea hates South Korea, South Korea hates North Korea.
24) Most of the math professors in India are south Indians. All of them are Srinivasans.
25) The only way to become rich in a European country is to be either an actor, hubby/wife of a wealthy tycoon or sue some multi national corporation. In India the easiest way to richness is to be a politician, traffic cop, 2 grade mafia rowdy sheeter, or a fake swami claiming to have all the answers to life’s questions.
26) I Love My Country. I Hate my Government.
27) After the Constant Evolution of Species and Mammals, nature has finally produced us. The most intellectually intelligent, self thinking capable species of this planet. We are the best of the best nature has to offer. Yet we pee right beside the public toilets and listen to backstreet boys and we absolutely need to have 18 songs in every one of our movies.
28) The phrase “that’s hot” is officially trademarked by Paris Hilton. I didn’t know we could do that. Hence aim officially trade marking “That’s Bullshit”. Yup, it’s my sentence you can’t use it.
29) Most of the Indians as far I as I know believed that the right hand is for eating while the left hand is for washing your ass. There’s racial discrimination for you right there.
30) All watchmen in India are Nepalese. It’s like we have a whole country to supply us with watchmen. Thank you Nepal.
31) Integration and differentiation are the two most stupidest things in math. I never got them till now and aim in my 2nd year 2nd sem graduation. I am Simply amazed by how far I came without knowing them.
32) Out of the 3lakh students who write intermediate every year almost 2 lakh twenty thousand score above 93% in their intermediate percentage by by-hearting everything. You & I both know most of them will become either waiters or kidnappers. Why study?
33) All call centre employees hate their lives from all the abuse they have to deal with everyday and can only shut up and listen. I call airtel customer care once every week to take out all my hectic weeks frustration and anger on them.
34) Australia is actually was a place where the UK dumped all its convicts way back in 1890. So every Australian’s father or mother or grandparents were either murderers or supari killers.
35) Mel Gibson hates Jews. According to him dinosaurs were wiped out 65 million years ago by Jews and not by a meteorite.
36) The most intelligent people on this planet are Indians and Japanese. The most boring people on this planet are citizens of Istanbul and Ukraine’s.
37) People will believe anything if you say Benjamin Franklin though of it first. Atleast Americans do.
38) Osama Bin Laden has 28 wives. You could be the 29th.
39) Don’t drink water, fish fucks in it.
40) Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
41) According to string theory there’s one in a billion chance of traveling in another parallel universe by simply bumping yourself into a wall. You might just walk through it at once.
42) You know you’re a south Indian when u shout loudly on the phone when you get long distance calls. The farther the country the louder you scream.
43) Tamilians are everywhere. All around us.
44) If a tigers and lions belong to the same species of cats and they can mate creating hybrids then why cant humans and chimps that also come under “primates”, mate to create hybrids. Imagine what a hairy software geeks we could be. Wanna give it a try?
45) The term “life’s a Bitch” has been officially changed to “life’s a whore” since 2002.
46) Most people don’t know the following things.
(a) Tomato’s a fruit not a vegetable.
(b) If you’re living in medhipatnam your life’s a living hell
(c) You’re actually adopted, and you’re a Jamaican and your real name was chupacabra ranakundra.
47) The word “fuck” was first used by Marie curie when she discovered radium and later found out that she was exposed to radiation all this time since she discovered the damn thing. It was said something like this “OH FUCK! And all this time I used it as a chewing gum”
48) If you are born in Ireland and you were 14 years old, by now,18% of your body weight is pure alcohol.
49) In ancient china it’s was a custom to eat other people’s guts and vomits. No wonder Genghis Khan was a barbarian.
more to come inanother post.....
3 comments:
i think u left out that the host in the kids show blue's clues was fired due to drug abuse.
the teletubbies were on national tv and officially declared they were sending subliminal homosexual messages.
girls are bitchy...yes all of them...dont try to deny it women...
always make sure u have ur gaydar on...cuz the cute guy u wanna say hi to might be gay!
the person who invented calculus is a girl
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